15 Things I Miss About the UK

I was sure I’d miss the UK the moment I left it. One week in at my sunny and stunningly beautiful new home across the pond, I knew it for a fact – and now almost half a year later I still miss Old Blighty. Of course most of what I miss has to do with my friends and the life I had built over my 4 years there. But my daily interactions with the outside world have made me realise that I miss quite a few things about the country that has given the world Wodehouse, wickets and whinging. As someone with a natural aversion to lists, here is a list of the 15 things I miss most about the UK, in no particular order. Feel free to rub it in by suggesting quirks, habits or characteristics I have missed.

1. English

I currently live in California where everyone speaks Spanish or American. The cliche that the Americans and the English are ‘differentiated by a common language’ is visibly true here and I miss the language I have grown up with as an Indian. It has been ages since I picked up a Wodehouse book but he remains the first author I look for when judging the quality of a new library. To be fair, many English words I did not know until I moved to England and in many ways these are what I miss the most. Crisps, Faff, Waffle, Whinge, Suss, Tosh, Bollocks, Cheers (a word as ubiquitous as Bitte, in German) are just some examples. Gosh it felt good to say those out aloud! I also miss bin-bags. An equivalent word for these doesn’t exist in the land of trash-cans. And not just that. The rich vocabulary of swear words, the subtle and overt humour, self-deprecation, the love of puns… the list is endless. My next item on the list is closely related to this one but is something that is so apparent I felt it deserves a special mention.

2. The letter ‘u’

Humour, colour, vigour, rigour, succour, fervour.  To this under-appreciated letter, I say - I dread the day I’ll forget u! And on a similar note, I’ll throw in defence, offence, sceptic, practice, inflammable and the classic - aluminium.

3. Pubs

What better motivation can a man have for walking over multiple hills with muddy shoes, tired legs and a wet raincoat than the prospect of arriving at a friendly local that opens just for his group of tired hill-walkers, with a log fire and tall, cold pints of local ale, while the weather outside continues to be grey, wet and an excellent topic for conversation? Our hill-walking society was after all also known as the extreme pub-crawl society.And not to forget, pub quizzes. Monday evenings aren’t half as entertaining without the mandatory underwhelming but fun pub quiz!

4. Public Transport

In California there is one train line along the coast – admittedly stunningly beautiful – that goes from San Diego to San Franciso which is the greatest public transport achievement in this state, one of the most friendly for public transport in the US. The US of A simply does not do public transport to the extent that the UK does. To be fair, the UK is helped greatly by the fact that it is 1/30th the size of this humungous landmass. Still – and despite its exorbitant fares and underwhelming efficiency – I miss National Rail. At the very least I’d have something to whinge about!

5. Pancake Day

I don’t mind that the Americans smile at the drop of a hat and don’t believe in Easter holidays but I cannot excuse their total ignorance of Pancake day. I refuse to allow the only day that celebrates my favourite dish (who cannot like pancakes?!) to be lost in a marketing driven random-relative-day oblivion. Pancake day – you shall not be forgotten!

6. Grumpiness

Can’t have it all good, now can we? I sorely miss the grumpiness that goes with grey weather – My smile-muscles feel over-worked for no reason. By nature I am confused by unwarranted cheerfulness and as I am fast finding out, I am in the world’s worst place for a natural grump. Ah well, I’ll keep calm and smile on for as long as I can!

7. Tea

Though grown anywhere but in the UK the English love for the stuff is legendary. And as I realise in this uncivilised land of iced-coffee and coke drinkers it is black tea that is sorely missed. I’ve given up being a reverse-snob and hankering after PG Tips. Earl Grey or English Breakfast would do just fine thank you very much. As long as it’s black and I can choose whether to add a dash of milk to it.

8. The Weather

Yes OED, I am aware every place on earth has its own weather. But I still assert that no other country in the world lays claim to the weather as a topic of conversation, discussion and debate quite like the UK. I say this especially since conversations about the weather in the UK are not limited to the English. Anyone staying anywhere in the UK will inevitably start relying on his/her knowledge of the local weather systems for anything from deciding what to wear to a filler in an awkward conversation. No other country in the world, I am willing to bet, has companies encouraging weather-wise consumers to bet on the ‘chance of rain tomorrow’ for a free packet of crisps!

9. Charity Shops

Gosh, I almost forgot to mention these uniquely British and endlessly delightful dives. I haven’t seen charity shops anywhere else in the world (except for one chain in Norway, but that doesn’t come close). A charity shop is a treasure hunt venue, a haven of randomness, a Pound-land and a good cause all rolled into one. As someone who ordinarily can’t stand shopping I cannot fathom why there aren’t more of them!

10. Queues

While the English cannot lay sole claim to this polite habit they definitely are alone in the efficiency and severity with which it is practised. Nowhere else have I seen a two-person queue. And nowhere else have I seen the common sense practice of forming a common queue for multiple counters. I don’t get it – why isn’t this a universal standard?!

11. The Food

OK, I am sure this will raise a few eyebrows. The national food for vegetarians in England is curry, followed closely by pizza. But I am realising, the longer I am away that there are items I’d eat in England that I definitely miss. Sticky toffee pudding, bread-and-butter pudding, pies and gravy, hash browns and – this is certainly not English, but I am yet to find it/someone who knows about it here  – Halloumi. Oh, and to all my friends who promised me that the US is the land of the curly fries I regularly killed my heart with at uni – I am still to see any. Thank heaven these people know of cheddar!

12. The BBC

Not always appreciated in the UK, the BBC still brought me the best of English humour, drama and documentary. Black Adder, Yes Minister, Have I Got News For You, Mock the Week, Live at the Apollo, Sherlock, Silk and David Attenborough are a few examples. Yes, I can VPN into BBC Iplayer in today’s connected world, but I still miss the luxury of having Paul Merton’s face appear on TV when I switch it on (Apologies to the Dr. Who fans – I am not yet fully English).

13. Brevity

I learnt English in India and brevity in England. It is, in my opinion, something unique to the English. The contrast here in the US is stark. The Americans are like the Italians of the English-speaking world. Take the following example: A train driver in England announcing a delay would say (grumpily):

“We’re waiting for a train to pass us and may be here for 10 minutes. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

In the US – at least on the one train-line I’ve been on the extra-cheerful announcement would go thus:

“Hey folks, our train’s been held up at a signal, and we are waiting for the oncoming train, which is the south-bound, to pass us. They have been delayed by 10 minutes, and as I said, we will have to wait for them, and so, we’ll be held up here for like 10 minutes. In the meanwhile, enjoy the view, and just to remind you – the cafe is open and serving drinks, so feel free to come here and buy food and drinks while we’re waiting. Thank you.”

14. Cathedrals

My favourite city in England and favourite get-away from PhD woes in Southampton was Salisbury. Less fancy than Winchester – and arguably less pretty on the whole – but what drove me there repeatedly was its cathedral. A magnificently long and high structure with a large lawn and a quaint Cathedral Close, it never failed to give me peace of mind. And I miss that. I miss being in a country where having a cathedral used to be necessary for becoming a city. The cathedral also figures in Ken Follett’s Pillars of the Earth – a great book I would recommend to anyone even remotely interested in cathedrals or in that corner of the world. Why have we stopped building such wonders?!

15. Marmite

As the last item (for now) on my list I’ve added the most “English” thing I know of. You could not be more English than if you were a sandwich with a thin layer of Marmite on butter. But who am I kidding - I can’t stand the stuff. Maybe next time.