Introducing, the world’s largest geronto-pluto-goondacracy

Guess what: India’s newest Parliament - and strongest  in 30 years, is also its oldest,  wealthiest and most criminal. India is not just the world’s largest democracy, but also the world’s largest gerontocracy, plutocracy and goondacracy, as statistics from the National Election Watch and Association for Democratic Reform show.

One-third of our MPs are accused of being criminals. Some of the most goondacratic parties, in terms of percentage of criminal-charge-facing MPs, are the RJD in Bihar, the Shiv Sena and the NCP in Maharashtra. In the ruling party, the BJP, over a fifth of its 282 MPs face criminal charges. But hold on a second – does this mean the Congress is relatively clean? Why is the Congress, equally notorious for the criminal tendencies of its MPs, not even come into the picture here? Well, the answer to that is, fortunately, the Congress got trounced in these elections leaving many of its criminal candidates happily free of the onerous  - and increasingly dangerous - responsibility of sitting in Parliament.

It becomes even more scary when looking at those who could have made it in. Of 8,163 candidates for 543 seats, 27% - or 950 candidates – are millionaires (up from 16% in 2009), and 17% face criminal charges. Here the Congress leads the list for the number of millionaire candidates followed by the BJP. And surprise, surprise, the ‘Common Man’s Party’, the AAP, is not to be left out. The AAP is led by self-professed Gandhian Arvind Kejriwal who, in his campaign, emphasized the selection of candidates who would represent the common man. However, 40% of the AAP candidates in the state of Madhya Pradesh have criminal cases in court. I am sure the common man would resent this implication.  And of all these 8163 representatives of the people, 889 had serious criminal charges against them – i.e. murder, attempt to murder, kidnapping, theft and criminal intimidation.

There is another delicious irony here. Dr. Manmohan Singh, India’s out-going PM, was widely seen as being an upright and outstanding individual surrounded by a brazenly corrupt and criminal establishment. A key attraction of the to-be PM Narendra Modi is his image as a clean politician. As it turns out he is going to find himself in a situation very similar to Dr. Singh. It remains to be seen if he will be able/willing to keep the corrupt and the criminal under check.

Oh, I almost forgot - India’s Parliament is steadily getting older, with over 45% of its MPs on the better side of 55. There is, paradoxically, a bright side to this – the majority of these ossified oligarchs, by the very nature of their jobs, will have a limited political shelf-life. Being a criminal takes energy and being an MP demands even more. Doing both at the same time, one could imagine, requires considerable vigour. While the new PM himself is a youthful 63, with a healthy 56-inch chest, the oldest oligarch is well over the 80 mark. Meanwhile, over half the country’s population is under 25. But more worrying than this generation gap – yes, I am afraid there’s more – are the trends. The numbers have been steadily going up on all fronts. India has long been progressing towards an increasingly gerontocratic government. But now, with our political parties becoming truly inclusive and secular towards all forms of -cracies, goondacratic and plutocratic tendencies are also on the rise. Since 2004, when it was made mandatory for candidates to declare criminal charges along with financial assets, these trends have been going up steadily.

Maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe the best, at any rate, the most entertaining, thing to do with a criminal millionaire is to put him in a large room filled with other criminal millionaires and handy, loose items of furniture, and let them fight amongst themselves in a televised reality show.

Of course, the only way to prevent these fights from spilling out into the countryside around New Delhi is to place these corrupt criminals under the watch of an exceptionally strong and incorruptible leader. Which is exactly what the electorate has thoughtfully and resoundingly done.

Did someone say, “world’s largest autocracy”?

 

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